


Dark Paradise

by ke_xia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dreams, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-10 09:35:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/784553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ke_xia/pseuds/ke_xia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short drabble in Merlin's POV while he waits for Arthur's return. Based around Lana del Rey's <i>Dark Paradise.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Paradise

All my friends tell me I should move on  
I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song  
Ahhh, that's how you sang it  
Loving you forever, can't be wrong  
Even though you're not here, won't move on  
Ahhh, that's how we played it  
And there's no remedy for memory your face is  
Like a melody, it won't leave my head  
Your soul is haunting me and telling me  
That everything is fine  
But I wish I was dead 

“Merlin...” Lancelot called out softly, moving forward. I ignored him. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He’d been saying it for months now, and the time was drawing nearer to when I would have to make a decision. “Merlin, you can’t continue to put your life on hold. You can’t wait here forever. What if he never comes back?”

“No!” I shouted, jumping up from where I sat at the edge of the lake. I spun on him, eyes narrowing accusingly. “He will come back! You have come back. How could you say such a thing? He was your _King._ He is the Once and Future King; and he _will_ return. I cannot leave, Lance. I cannot leave and risk him returning and being alone. I will not do that to him.”

Lance gazed at me sadly, giving a small nod. We both knew. We all had the memories. I had never left, and the memories had never left me. But the others, as they made their way back into the world, they had begun to remember too. I could never leave Avalon. I could never risk the possibility of Arthur returning and having no one to guide him.

But it was hard. It was so hard, living life without him. The centuries had dragged on, and still he hadn’t come back. _Albion may not have need of you, Arthur. But I do.. Come back to me._

Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side 

Sleeping was hard. It was full of dreams of Camelot, of nightmares of the lives I have lived since Arthur’s death, and of nightmares of a future alone without my King at my side. But that was when I _could_ sleep. Getting there was hard enough.

I’m afraid of sleeping. I’m afraid of waking up to another day without him there. I’m afraid of the dreams that will come, the memories of our time together in Camelot, and the emptiness that they will leave behind when I wake. It is nice to remember, to be in those dreams as if we had never left. But it is the gaping hole in my chest whenever I wake in the pre-dawn light that is the hardest to get through. _Arthur. Please. Don’t make me go through another day without you._

All my friends ask me why I stay strong  
Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on  
Ahhh, that's why I stay here  
And there's no remedy for memory your face is  
Like a melody, it won't leave my head  
Your soul is haunting me and telling me  
That everything is fine  
But I wish I was dead  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you 

“Are you sure you won’t come, Merlin?” Gwen asked as I watched them get ready to head inside the airport.

I gave a small shake of my head and offered a small smile. “You guys go. Have fun. I’ll be here when you get back. And you can tell me all about it.”

“But Merlin, it’s _China!_ The lake will be here when we return,” Gwaine chimed.

“It’s not the lake, Gwaine. You know that. I can’t leave _him.”_ Two months was a long time to be gone. Anything could happen. I loved Arthur too much to let him go even a moment in this new time without someone at his side to guide him. No doubt it would be hard for him when he returned. I had to continue to believe that he would, no matter how hard it got.

I gave each of my friends a hug; Leon, Gwaine, Lance, Gwen, Elyan, Percival. They all understood, and they didn’t press any further.

“Take care of yourself. We’ll call and check on you, alright?” Leon promised.

I nodded and gave the former Knight a gentle shove. “Get going, before you miss your flight.”

But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight  
Oh oh oh oh, ha ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight  
There's no relief, I see you in my sleep  
And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me  
There's no release, I feel you in my dreams  
Telling me I'm fine  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,  
Oh oh oh oh, ha ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight  
Oh oh oh oh, ha ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight 

_“Merlin. You should have gone with them.”_

It was his voice. Calling out to me. I smiled as I watched Arthur walk toward me, my heart leaping with joy. _He’s come back! He’s here! Finally! The waiting is over!_ “You know I couldn’t, Arthur. I couldn’t leave you.”

I felt his hand on my cheek, warm and full of life. My love, come back for me at last. Life was perfect. I was complete now, with my other half back at my side. “I’ve waited... I’ve waited so long. I can’t believe you’re here.”

_“I never left you, Merlin. I was here all along, watching over you.”_

Together, we sank down before the warmth of the fireplace. Arthur slipped his arms around me and held me tight. I buried my face against his chest, letting out a soft sigh. We sat there for a while, content to just be with one another. _This_ was what I had needed all along. This was as it should be. “I love you, Arthur. I was afraid you’d never come back.”

_“And I love you, Merlin. You must never forget that. Never forget that our destinies are intertwined. I will always come back for you.”_

I let out a soft sigh, clinging to him, smelling his familiar smell. Letting it comfort me. Life was perfect.

_“Merlin. It is time for you to wake.”_

I stiffened. Wake? No.. This couldn’t be a dream. It felt so real. And if it wasn’t real, I didn’t want to wake. I wanted to stay there forever. I didn’t want to open my eyes to another day of loneliness. I couldn’t bear it. “No, Arthur. Don’t make me go,” I cried softly.

_“I will always be with you, Merlin. You are never alone.”_

“But I need you. Please. Please, Arthur!”

_“Shh, you are alright, love. You’ll be just fine.”_

With the fading of the dream came the silence of my bedroom around me. And as I opened my eyes to the soft purples and pinks of another sunrise, I knew that it would be another day of waiting. Another day of gazing out across that water as I waited for his return.

I let out a soft sigh as I pushed myself up and ran a hand over my face. “Good morning, Arthur,” I whispered into the stillness of the room. Then I slid out of bed and began to prepare for my day. Who knew? Perhaps this was the day he would come back.


End file.
